Five Years of Screwing Up
EditorialsAuthor: Andrew Traweek
Most of you today know Westcoaster only as it is, and what it was shortly before we launched version 6. What you probably don’t know is how Westcoaster came to be, or how this talented, beautiful, big-wienered… and egotistical group of individuals managed to gather in one place for so long.
It started with idle chatter on a messageboard that’s long since gone dormant. Goose’s Realm of Insanity sat on a quiet corner of the internets somewhere. It was mainly a forum for the discussion of Six Flags Magic Mountain, and sporadically brought up conversation about other Southern California theme parks.
This is where I met Jim and Dan. How we met I don’t exactly remember. But I do remember that when Jim had an idea to launch a coaster club for the region, I wanted to be on board. But all I knew how to do was video. So I threw together a 30 second promo for the club and showed it to him. He promptly stuck a gun in my back (at least I hope it was a gun) and brought me on board.
Soon enough the Southern California Coaster Club had failed. It wasn’t for lack of trying, it was for lack of money. We had set our hopes a little high, only to fall short on the simple task of being able to provide membership cards.
But all was well. We had already talked about launching a site dedicated to the west coast lifestyle. Westcoaster doesn’t mean “Western Roller Coasters.” It means that we’re all Westcoasters… like everyone east of the Mississippi like to call themselves Eastcoasters, or socially-challenged.
Soon after the idea sprang up, we had a site. It wasn’t much at first, mainly a homepage for our messageboards. But the evolution of Westcoaster had begun…
Westcoaster 2.0
circa Aug. 2000
Since Wayback didn’t archive version 1.0, I’ll spare you the ugly details. 2.0 was a vast improvement upon Westcoaster 1.0, although a vast improvement on crap is just a better version of crap.
The header image was a file I ripped from a friend, pasted text on, and called my own. Don’t worry, I never stole other images at that time. This guy owed me money, so I figured I’d take it out of his graphic design abilities. A real testament to my web design skills back then is the broken image to the left of the content. That’s what we called ‘navigation.’ It was one huge image map that had tons of problems whenever we’d accidentally delete the file, or someone was using a browser that cut images.
The problems lingered with Westcoaster 2.0, so we began to work on a newer version of the site.
Programs Used: Microsoft Frontpage, Hotmetal Pro, and Paint Shop Pro..
Credits: James Disney, Layout | Andrew Traweek, Graphics
Site Resolution: 800×600
Westcoaster 2.1
circa Oct. 2000
Remember what I said about vastly improved crap being just a slightly better version of crap? Here is living, breathing, stinky proof. Westcoaster 2.1. This is the site that inspired our motto: “All New Layout, No New Content!”
But hey, at least you can navigate to such craptastic content like, Westcoaster Imagineering, Visions, and the always trusty messageboards.
Up until now, I had been using a web designing program called Hotmetal Pro. It cost $30, and couldn’t do the crap I wanted to do. I had yet to find the wonders of Photoshop, so instead used Paint Shop Pro. In fact, I think I remember having to use a web-based upload for all of the site files. It took literally decades to upload everything. What a pain in my big, hairy ass.
Wow, look how sparse it is. Isn’t that amazing? But it’s gray and not blue, so be happy.
Programs Used: Microsoft Frontpage, Hotmetal Pro, Paint Shop Pro.
Credits: James Disney, Layout | Andrew Traweek, Graphics
Site Resolution: 800×600
Westcoaster 4
circa Sept. 2001
We lost 3.0. She was short, sort of greenish blue, and answers to the name of “Recycled Crap.” If you see her, please contact the administrator.
Westcoaster 4 was an advancement nary seen since man set foot on the moon. As a web developer now, I stopped using Frontpage and Hotmetal Pro, and started to use a nifty new do-it-all program called Dreamweaver. I had also picked up Photoshop and started learning the basics. The logo is all me. Well, everything except the coaster track. I think I may have actually ripped that from an ACN pic, but I’d just got done making a new logo for Jeff, so I didn’t think he’d care. But in case he did, I edited the crap out of it so he’d never know it was a turnaround on Batman: The Ride, and that it was his image. Well, technically Chris Higgins’ image. Also technically not mine. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
Now we had a metric buttload of new content. Andrew’s Junk had premiered on Westcoaster 3 with the Dysfunctional Park series of articles that chronicled my escapades while working at Santa’s Village as a teenager. Nash’s Glovebox was supposed to be another huge hit, and a harbinger of things to come. Nash covered non-coaster attractions around the country. Whatever fit his fancy, he would write about it. It fizzled after three or four episodes, and we had yet another dead duck on the site. Lucas’ Northern Exposure also started during the reign of Westcoaster 4, and has pretty much gone the same way as Nash. Rocky’s Roads? Yup, it fizzled and died too.
We had also recently acquired Bear-yTales, and proceeded to rape and pillage it until we grew tired of it’s screams for help. But hey, we technically had a park guide there for a while, so I don’t know what all you guys are complaining about. We had guides and you didn’t love them properly. When not loved properly, guides run away and join the circus. It’s just a fact of life.
Programs Used: Dreamweaver 3.0 and Adobe Photoshop 4.
Credits: James Disney and Ian Maki, Database PHP and Update Engine | Andrew Traweek, Layout, Graphics.
Site Resolution: 1024×768
Westcoaster 5
circa May. 2002
Has it been that long? Holy crap. It really was time for a new layout, wasn’t it?
Anyway, same old crap, new depressing blue layout. What was with me and the blue? Damn. I went almost three years stuck on blues in my layouts. I must have been going through a pseudo-depressive artistic state.
With Westcoaster 5, we took time away from finding the right layout and focused on offering the best updates on the internets. Yes, I said internets. You have to say it that way now if you want to be hip. So we plodded along. Jim focused on writing updates, Dan took the pictures, and I got drunk. That’s about it. By this time the site had become secondary to the ever expanding forums, and we started to slack off. But you’ll get no apologies out of me. You all probably deserved it.
Westcoaster 5 also saw the emergence of Jim’s Photoshopped updates. I have to apologize for that, people. I turned him onto Photoshop by teaching him how to cut elements out of a picture. Big mistake? Maybe. But he squashed my update Photoshops because they made his look bad. What a tyrant. So you never got to see my masterpieces; Kid With Downs Crashes Mom’s Truck Into Tower of Terror, Michael Jackson Baby Dangling from Tower of Terror, and our group shot at the midget wall at Knott’s with Wee-man.
Oh well. Around the end of 2003, I grew increasingly tired of the site. I felt we’d slacked off too much in the area of new content, and needed something to motivate us. Truth be told, I was also considering resigning from the site. Part of it just wasn’t fun anymore. But always loyal to my friends, I wanted to build one last site that would last them forever. This one would be easy enough to run that any of the moderators could contribute, or a monkey could take over should the three co-founders walk away or die in an exploding toaster incident.
Programs Used: Dreamweaver 4.0, Photoshop 5.0 and 6.0.
Credits: James Disney and Ian Maki, Backend | Andrew Traweek, Layout Design and Graphics
Site Resolution: 1024×768
Westcoaster 6
circa Feb. 2005
The first new layout in three years, and the first site overhaul since it began. Westcoaster 6 was roughly a year-and-a-half in the making, and was pretty close to it’s finished state when it was presented to Jim. He went flippin’ apenuts and started flinging poo and an unidentifiable white liquid around the admin boards… and I think he tried to make out with me. But I advised him that his girlfriend wouldn’t take to kindly to hot steamy man love, so he backed off. Thank God.
This incarnation of the site required a massive amount of natural resources to pull off. The code itself required the wholesale clear-cutting of thousands of acres of virgin rainforest. The shiny parts of the site required 2.5 cubic tons of liquefied Manatee ass. The images were all taken and processed by the truckload by underage Indian and Pakistani orphans. Time was so tight, we couldn’t even let them eat or do other unimportant stuff like learn, or poop even. Backend database design required the burning of the kelp beds located off the coast of California. Oh, and AIDS… that was our bad. We needed it to power the phrase generator in the head data.
All-new, all-powerful, Westcoaster 6 is going to last generations. We’ve pushed the limits of web design to it’s peak. If we designed one more piece of code, the world would blow up. This is the end, folks. This is five years of blood, sweat, tequila and tears. We’ve lost buddies, we’ve gained enemies. Jim lost his virginity, and Dan gave his life to the Cloth. Rocky disappeared into the Arizona desert to become a goat herder, and Mike is a Cuban gun-runner for the Puerto Rican army. But what we’ve lost in friends we’ve gained in notoriety and huge orgies with beautiful women. Yes, very beautiful women…
Programs Used: Dreamweaver MX, Adobe Photoshop 7.0.
Credits: James Disney and Ian Maki, Backend | Andrew Traweek, Layout Design, Page Generation, Graphics, Content Development.
Site Resolution: 1024×768