First... a warning. Clips and language in this little ditty are going to be a little not-safe-for-work... so if you can't handle a little salty language, might wanna just walk away now.
As part of operation "branch out and do more than just those fucking theme parks because there's more to life you god damn idiot" (me, talking to myself), we're now talking about movies. In some cases we will review movies we haven't seen... but in this case, I'm talking about something I've already seen... Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates.
And now... a trailer.
Mike and Dave Need Wedding dates hits theaters this Friday, July 8th and features a great cast who are very adept at saying very dirty things. But at its core... this movie is about love. Yes, love. It's not all fisting jokes, dick jokes, more fisting jokes, and ecstasy-fueled naked romps in a field... no, it's about love. Mike and Dave love partying. Alice and Tatiana love ruining lives. And can you believe this whole thing is loosely based on a true story?
Yes, Mike and Dave Stangle are actually real people who actually put an ad on Craigslist in 2013 looking for dates to their cousin's wedding in upstate New York. Don't believe me, check out the original ad: clicky here with your stupid little mouse/trackpad thingy. This was a thing that actually happened. Well, as things go, they went viral and six months later they managed to ink a deal to turn their ridiculous story into a movie. And here we are. (*writes note to self, find some ridiculous thing to do to get famous*)
With the settings changed... Mike and Dave, the family fuck ups, are now looking for respectable dates for their sister's wedding in Hawaii (after ruining a whole host of family events). Alice and Tatiana, another pair of fuck ups, see opportunity. After making up stories about being a teacher and a hedge fund manager, they manage to convince the Stangle boys to take them to Hawaii. What works so well about this movie is that the girls aren't just plain victims of circumstance at the hands of the hard-partying frat boys. No... the girls are the shit stirring agitators here. Tatiana is the conniving, deceitful devil to Alice's sweet, yet completely fractured follow along pal who will do whatever Tatiana suggests.
From there we embark on an adventure full of improv... yes, they shot approximately 30 versions of every scene. This movie could've been 5 hours long, easily. Mercifully they edited it down to a more palatable 98 minutes. (Though, I hope the deleted scene/blooper reel on the home media release is extensive because there's some gold on that cutting room floor.) The film is incredibly goofy and ridiculous (and in some ways meandering), but it works. Dare I even say there's an aspect of sweetness to it all... yes, parts of it are actually sweet.
I won't begin to pretend this thing is going to win any awards beyond some awkward MTV Movie award for Best Romance Resulting From Complete Fraud, Best Walking In On Someone Getting Fingered Scene or something related to best fisting joke. All the same I actually enjoyed the hell out of this movie.
This is a movie full of fun for the whole family... mostly because if you take your 5 year old to see this movie, you'll have to explain to their teacher why your kid starts talking about Cockbusters or why they'll strip down nude and let horses run free. Basically, if you take your kid to see this, you're an idiot. Don't be that person. Seriously, that's a dipshit move. Don't do it.
That said, it's a very fun brainless raunchy comedy... go enjoy it! Also, stay for the credit scroll blooper reel... it's... interesting. Needless to say I learned more about Tatiana's teeth brushing habits than I thought I'd learn...
Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates was directed by Jake Szymanski
Starring these fantastic goobers:
Zac Efron as Dave Stangle
Adam Devine as Mike Stangle
Anna Kendrick as Alice
Aubrey Plaza as Tatiana
It is rated R for many awesome things that happen during the film.
I give it 3 Butts out of 5 and two thumbs firmly shoved up at least two of those butts.
...and you all thought I was so sweet and innocent.
I'd like to apologize to my mom, who probably read this (HI MOM), the two butts I stuck my thumbs up, and the entire principality of Andorra. I'm not sure why, but I'm 99% sure I'll fuck something up and piss them off eventually. Peas out nerds.
...I feel like I didn't say fuck enough. Fuck.
Twerking Ice Cream Cone. Velociraptor. 5 Time Squirrel Herding Champion. Super Hero.