EXCLUSIVE *REAL* Update: Knott's Berry Farm HangTime And Probably Some Boysenberry Stuff idk, w/e

Knott’s Berry Farm, Buena Park, CA

Albert's gonna regret this one... yes, it's me, your lord and master, Jim... I'm back whether anyone likes it or not. Probably not. Hell, I show up at my mom's place from time to time and she's like "Ugh, dammit... you again?!?" Well, here we are. Might as well not fight it, it hurts less if you don't struggle... that's what my uncle told me. 

So let's get to it. Last Thursday, Knott's invited us (we're wondering why too) to party and celebrate the opening of their latest not-B&M hyper coaster, HangTime. BUT I'M NOT BITTER, OKAY!! Built by Gerstmattlaurer, HangTime features track, cars and exactly zero pigeons. The latter is a horrific oversight. But there are twinkle lights attached to the track and they do whatever it is lights do to things when it's dark outside. Oh, and there are some flippy parts too. Y'know, like after you do the zoomy part and you do a flippy thing. Yeah, that. And it does it over 9000 times.

By now you might be wondering "Jim, is this for real? Are you serious?" Well, dear reader... yes, dead-ass Dixie Chicks serious as the bunion on your grandma's big toe. It does flippy stuff. And there's a zoomy part. And yes, there are some freakin' twinkle lights. (Look, I'm just here to make you want Albert's writing and photography more.) Okay, let's end the suffering and get to the best photos this site has seen in years...

There it is… Steel Retribution

Here’s Dan and some drooling fan…

As you can see it was a lovely night for eating stuff…

Let’s ride HangTime!

Wait, no, let’s eat food first…

Steel Retribution has a lovely look at night… it’s basically like the day time look but more glow-y.

But before we could ride anything, we had to pay penance by listening to approximately 42.8 minutes of Beach Blanket Beagle.

Thankfully, John Storbeck showed up and was like “Yo, we got this ride… check it!” And yes, we did indeed check it.

Cause right when we checked it… THEY TRIED TO BLOW THE DAMN THING UP!!

I have to admire the boldness of building this thing which cost them at least like, I dunno… threve dollars? (That’s a lot in Canada.) And they’re all “screw it, let’s blow it up… that’ll be bad ass” and y’know what, I AGREE.

But this thing is like built from Vibranium or something cause it withstood the bombardment of twinkle bombs.

Here’s a great look at the nighttime vibe of Steel Retribution.

But let’s go shopping first… wait, no?

Oh crap… my bad, guys. It’s called HangTime.

Instead of HangTime they could’ve also named it “Roller Coaster and Chill?” but I guess HangTime works better.

Here, it’s makin’ a zoom.

It has seats, check ‘em out.

Fantastic lighting package too…

heh… package

One last quality photo of HangTime…

Welp... that's really all I have to say about that. The ride is super fun... as are many other things at Knott's Berry Farm. So go out there, put your butt on the ride and enjoy it. Because if you don't enjoy it, you're never ever ever ever ever ever never allowed to read Westcoaster again. And after this update, I don't blame you if you don't want to anyway.

For those wondering about the incredible quality of these stunning images and how Dan was able to capture the majesty of this new steel beast in such amazing detail. All the photos in this update were actually shot on the first digital camera we used for Westcoaster. The seemingly invincible HP 315. 

Peas out... GOO BAH!

Photos by Dan Angona
Words by Alan Smithee
Drunk Llamas by Llamas R Us